Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
