Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
