I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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