so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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