I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
