I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
