i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
