My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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