No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
