My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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