You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize