Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
