sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
