Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
