Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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