operation harelip BJ is a go
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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