That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
