Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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