end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
