Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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