you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
