Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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