his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
