roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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