when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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