Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
