I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
