I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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