i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
