You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
