if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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