The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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