Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
