My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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