we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just invented taco cereal.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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