he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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