So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
