just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
