I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
