Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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