good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Couch. On fire.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
