If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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