I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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