he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
