we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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