i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
