I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
