I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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