you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
