my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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