so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
