Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
