Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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