Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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