You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
being pregnant is like rehab
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
