i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
