there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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