woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
