Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
