I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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