you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
