I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
