Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
