My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
